So I applied. I told everyone that I'm not gonna do masters. Such a hassle. I don't want to teach. I want to cooked. Stay at home. Open my business. Then my dad enters. Sigh. You gotto work missy. OK...I got a job and still working till now. Then one fine day. It just came over me. Like a calling telling me to apply. To complete my masters study. So I applied. Last 15 May to University Malaya. Yea screw what everyone says. It's close to home. I applied for three master courses trying my luck. But was aiming for masters in modern languages.
Last friday, I got an email saying that I got accepted for Masters in Modern Languages. It was a wierd feeling. I was happy, yes, then it dawn to me that all the reading and living in libraries will start again. Then it was me organizing my time, my next plans, what research I should do, making time to go there and ask some lecturers what research I should do, maybe look up ahead and start reading on the courses. Its the kiasu, ultra-time management thing in me. I got it from my dad I think and probably the only one in my family with it. The rest of my siblings plus my mum are so hamban. Including my fiance. Probably scared a lot of people with it too.
So..good luck to me.. =)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Reflecting on Life
3 years ago I gave my heart a chance on someone. It wasn't the easiest thing for me to do. People who know me, well know that I'm not exactly an easy person to get along. I generally have a hard time trusting people. Regardless of the circumstance.
I know I gave him a hard time and yet he stayed on. Gotta give him credit for being patient. Secondly, he changed. I knew a lot of his guy buddies hated that about me. What is really so wrong about change if it's for the better. Him, his character, his personality, that didn't change. He's still the same funny, always trying to annoy me and making smart ass jokes. How he would talk crap like killing and ripping off someone's throat but when there's a time that person would ask for his help. He would be there without a blink. That's my baby. That's why I love him. Of course bad habits had to change. Which fortunately,some, he gave up. I'm still trying to get him to entirely quit smoking. We were moving on to something bigger. A life together. It wasn't a time to be selfish. Even for me. We give and take. That's how our relationship is.
These past few months have been really been a test on our relationship. I wish the wedding was the main problem but it wasn't. I didn't even have time to think of planning the wedding. Its been physically distressing at work with more work piling on my desk each day. Juggling responsibilities at home with nenek sick and my mom up and down singapore, I had to keep house and play mom. And then there was him and us and the problems that follow. When the going gets tough, it just got tougher.
God really put a test on us. I do believe that he is ever loving, ever kind, ever giving and I see it appearing day by day. Its just a matter of reaching out and grab it. I've been feeling helpless and depressed for a few weeks. Trying to battle these demons and being strong. Its never easy to do it alone. I pray to God to give me strength, to remain hopeful and to open my window wide and beyond. I promise I'm giving all I can to do my duties on this Earth.
I know I gave him a hard time and yet he stayed on. Gotta give him credit for being patient. Secondly, he changed. I knew a lot of his guy buddies hated that about me. What is really so wrong about change if it's for the better. Him, his character, his personality, that didn't change. He's still the same funny, always trying to annoy me and making smart ass jokes. How he would talk crap like killing and ripping off someone's throat but when there's a time that person would ask for his help. He would be there without a blink. That's my baby. That's why I love him. Of course bad habits had to change. Which fortunately,some, he gave up. I'm still trying to get him to entirely quit smoking. We were moving on to something bigger. A life together. It wasn't a time to be selfish. Even for me. We give and take. That's how our relationship is.
These past few months have been really been a test on our relationship. I wish the wedding was the main problem but it wasn't. I didn't even have time to think of planning the wedding. Its been physically distressing at work with more work piling on my desk each day. Juggling responsibilities at home with nenek sick and my mom up and down singapore, I had to keep house and play mom. And then there was him and us and the problems that follow. When the going gets tough, it just got tougher.
God really put a test on us. I do believe that he is ever loving, ever kind, ever giving and I see it appearing day by day. Its just a matter of reaching out and grab it. I've been feeling helpless and depressed for a few weeks. Trying to battle these demons and being strong. Its never easy to do it alone. I pray to God to give me strength, to remain hopeful and to open my window wide and beyond. I promise I'm giving all I can to do my duties on this Earth.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Sini Sana: Travel Stories in Malaysia
It's finally here!!! The long awaited book is finally published and I'm proud to say that my darling is one of the writers in the book. So make sure you go to MPH and buy the book ok. Anyways, his story 'Papa's Bukit' was featured in the Star newspaper by one of their regular columnist saying that it was one of her favourite stories from the collection. I have yet to read the article so I'm scouring the online Star archives in search of it.
Papa's Bukit is a beautiful piece that is written close to his heart.
It's a personal story of his that I find, to a city girl like me, something I rarely hear about. He's told me stories about his childhood numerous times and I finally told him, well I guess more like force him, to write about it. I'm glad I did. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.
Papa's Bukit is a beautiful piece that is written close to his heart.
It's a personal story of his that I find, to a city girl like me, something I rarely hear about. He's told me stories about his childhood numerous times and I finally told him, well I guess more like force him, to write about it. I'm glad I did. Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Greatest Woman- You are my inspiration
Those who know me would know that my grandmother is going through 4th stage of cancer. She was diagnosed with this disease last year. It has been a very painful and difficult journey. She went through two operations in the course of one year as the tumor was rapidly growing in her stomach. This time around, the cancer had spread all over her liver and the doctors cannot do anything about it anymore. Her cancer is GIST, please look it up. Its a form of cancer that rarely ever happens to anyone and from the beginning onwards the doctors told us that there was no cure for it. We as a family have accepted this fate and we have tried to make her life as meaningful as possible.
She is my heart. She was the person who took care of me when both my parents were working. She bathe and feed me and protect me when my yayi (grandpa) was angry at me. My late grandfather was the baran type. So it was really scary for me when he got angry. My dear grandmother was always there for me. I love her so much. I would protect her by all means. There have been some things in the past that I've gone overboard because I felt so dearly for her and when I felt she has been wronged. I would do the same thing for her again.
I was very fortunate to be able to give back a piece of how she cared for me last year. When she was sick and during moments where I was free I was in Singapore taking care of her needs. It was a just a fraction. I wish I could do more. But life moves on and I got a job and the wedding. I so wish I could do more.
She in her pain cooked my fiance sambal goreng when she heard he got transferred to JB. That is the strength of my grandmother. She put her love into everything that she do and the receivers of this love felt it so strongly. She never complaint about her pain. She is so strong.
I know I have to be strong as well. I will be. I will be there reading for her the quran and soothing her with sounds of the zikir. I would like to request to whoever who reads this will pray for her strength and read the surah yasin. It is very hard for me right now but I must give all my strength to my nenek. My inspiration.
She is my heart. She was the person who took care of me when both my parents were working. She bathe and feed me and protect me when my yayi (grandpa) was angry at me. My late grandfather was the baran type. So it was really scary for me when he got angry. My dear grandmother was always there for me. I love her so much. I would protect her by all means. There have been some things in the past that I've gone overboard because I felt so dearly for her and when I felt she has been wronged. I would do the same thing for her again.
I was very fortunate to be able to give back a piece of how she cared for me last year. When she was sick and during moments where I was free I was in Singapore taking care of her needs. It was a just a fraction. I wish I could do more. But life moves on and I got a job and the wedding. I so wish I could do more.
She in her pain cooked my fiance sambal goreng when she heard he got transferred to JB. That is the strength of my grandmother. She put her love into everything that she do and the receivers of this love felt it so strongly. She never complaint about her pain. She is so strong.
I know I have to be strong as well. I will be. I will be there reading for her the quran and soothing her with sounds of the zikir. I would like to request to whoever who reads this will pray for her strength and read the surah yasin. It is very hard for me right now but I must give all my strength to my nenek. My inspiration.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Nikah Update
So we have decided to have the solemnization ceremony the night before my reception which will be on the 23rd December 2011 after maghrib. Papa's wishes were fulfilled because he wanted the nikah to be done at home. Right, I know there has been a lack of wedding updates. It's been crazy at work and I have not had any time to think of the wedding at all.
Things are definitely not going according to schedule. Tsk tsk.
On a happier note I have booked my make up artist for my wedding, a videographer for my nikah and my mum has gone out and bought bunga pahar for the nikah without consulting me. I have a feeling that she has ordered bunga pahar for my sanding too. Also, I've got shoes to match my nikah outfit. Just got to order new ones for my reception. Still got so many things.
On top of that, there's a possibility of me having 5 outfits for the wedding. It's giving me a headache. Hope all of you are having a happy busy April like me.
Things are definitely not going according to schedule. Tsk tsk.
On a happier note I have booked my make up artist for my wedding, a videographer for my nikah and my mum has gone out and bought bunga pahar for the nikah without consulting me. I have a feeling that she has ordered bunga pahar for my sanding too. Also, I've got shoes to match my nikah outfit. Just got to order new ones for my reception. Still got so many things.
On top of that, there's a possibility of me having 5 outfits for the wedding. It's giving me a headache. Hope all of you are having a happy busy April like me.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Its 1.30 am in the morning
My dad says the engagement is time for us to practice on tolerating each other. Since marriage is a whole different ballgame all together. I plan to have the whole situation under control. You gotto work at it. Show that you're always there and you care. But lately I've been feeling down. Very very down and under appreciated. Who said it was going to be easy? Who said that since she said yes, you've got her in your hands? Nope. Absolutely wrong. Since she has agreed, she'll be analysing you seeing whether you will keep your promise. Whether you're making feel secure. Whether you show her love and care. Whether you will stop being a big fat kid and grow up and be a man. The minute I give my faith and trust holding onto a big responsibility, I'm just being disappointed again. Why do I always feel like the man here? Sacrifice damn it.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
LDR
I received shocking news yesterday. My fiance got transfered to Johor and he had to go today as they need him to manage the centre there on Sunday. I admit I cried when I heard it. We're sort of used to see each other at least a min of 3 times a week. Even my parents felt sore about the whole situation and are trying to help him out so that he can come back here quickly.
I was planning to surprise him on his birthday. Since this would be his last year celebrating his birthday as a bachelor. I was so excited the whole of last week. Asking all my colleagues what I could do to surprise him. So, I thought of surprising him by making sort of a treasure hunt with short sweet notes. The moment he wakes up there'll be a note, then when he gets in his car there'll be one, then off to work where there'll be a lovely cake waiting for him. A cake of course lovingly baked by me. Alas, my plans were crushed by the sudden news.
So, after my class today, he picked me up and we went of to chilis to have lunch at Empire. He went to the bathroom while I ordered the food. I told the waiter to bring in the cake while singing Happy Birthday. I guess that was the only surprise that I could think off at that time. He was leaving to JB after that. After we finished lunch, I was waiting for the cake to arrive. He thought that we were waiting for the bill. We waited for quite awhile and he was already getting angry. A little girl was also celebrating here birthday with her family and they were singing the Birthday song. He then had to tell me to never ever celebrate his birthday in a restaurant. Well not at least till his 60 and old and couldn't be bothered anymore. He said that birthdays were never a big thing in his family, He has never celebrated his own birthday. It was just the 'oh its my birthday today, pat on the back' and on with the usual day. So by then, I was laughing coz I knew he didn't have it coming. the waiters then came out with the cake singing Happy Birthday. He was like whose birthday is it now ....and heard "Happy Birthday to Farril". hehehe....He was so surprised and I could see that he was very happy. At least I managed to celebrate his birthday with him before he left.
I'm going to miss you darling soo...much. He'll be nearer to Singapore so he will be able to see nenek from time to time. LDR officially begins now.
I was planning to surprise him on his birthday. Since this would be his last year celebrating his birthday as a bachelor. I was so excited the whole of last week. Asking all my colleagues what I could do to surprise him. So, I thought of surprising him by making sort of a treasure hunt with short sweet notes. The moment he wakes up there'll be a note, then when he gets in his car there'll be one, then off to work where there'll be a lovely cake waiting for him. A cake of course lovingly baked by me. Alas, my plans were crushed by the sudden news.
So, after my class today, he picked me up and we went of to chilis to have lunch at Empire. He went to the bathroom while I ordered the food. I told the waiter to bring in the cake while singing Happy Birthday. I guess that was the only surprise that I could think off at that time. He was leaving to JB after that. After we finished lunch, I was waiting for the cake to arrive. He thought that we were waiting for the bill. We waited for quite awhile and he was already getting angry. A little girl was also celebrating here birthday with her family and they were singing the Birthday song. He then had to tell me to never ever celebrate his birthday in a restaurant. Well not at least till his 60 and old and couldn't be bothered anymore. He said that birthdays were never a big thing in his family, He has never celebrated his own birthday. It was just the 'oh its my birthday today, pat on the back' and on with the usual day. So by then, I was laughing coz I knew he didn't have it coming. the waiters then came out with the cake singing Happy Birthday. He was like whose birthday is it now ....and heard "Happy Birthday to Farril". hehehe....He was so surprised and I could see that he was very happy. At least I managed to celebrate his birthday with him before he left.
I'm going to miss you darling soo...much. He'll be nearer to Singapore so he will be able to see nenek from time to time. LDR officially begins now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)